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terryp

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2001-11-12-1:05 p.m.

Later

Today Andrew was coloring and he asked me to tear a page out of the book for him. I hesitated. Why did I hesitate? Because the coloring book has text at the bottom of each page and you can sit down and read it like a story book. I didn't want to mess up the story.

How long have I been saving coloring book stories by not tearing out pages? How long have I been thinking that one day I'm actually going to sit down and read a coloring book to my children? I think I've done that maybe once in my whole life. I can't even remember reading a coloring book when I was little.

I started thinking about all the other things that I save for a later that never, ever comes. I got Abby a knitting kit one year for Christmas and I wouldn't let her open it until I could spend time with her and teach her the right way to knit. I didn't want her frustrated and I didn't want everything strewn all over the place and getting lost or juice spilled on it. I saw that kit the other day when I was getting something out of the garage. It's still in the package, dusty now, never used. Abby's sixteen now and has no interest at all in learning how to knit.

I have tempera paints that I bought in 1990. I've given birth to four children since then and that paint should be gone, used up and enjoyed, but I save it for later. My kids must think Later is some magic place or some person who is more important than they are.

I wonder how many times I've said, "Why don't we talk about this later?" I'll tell that person I love him later when everything is perfect. I'll read that book later when I can concentrate. I'll let you have a tea party with my china when you're older.

Excuse me while I go tear out some pages. It's getting late.

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