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terryp

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2001-10-11-10:54 p.m.

Swinging With Andrew

I took Andrew with me to go get water today. We have to buy water because our softener doesn't work any more. Nine gallons is supposed to last a week, but we've been making juice a lot...

I was pushing Andrew in the basket over to the water machine and I looked at his little tennis shoes and his little overalls and his little striped tee shirt and I thought, this is my last one. Every time I do a little kid thing with him it will maybe be the last time. This might be the last time I ever get water with a little kid that's mine. I started telling him about when Abby was little and how I did everything with her because she was my only one, and do you like doing things with Mommy all by yourself? He said yes, but I don't think he really understood. He just wanted to get out of the basket and push the buttons on the water machine.

There are always little old hispanic people sitting on benches outside the grocery store where the water machine is. They're always the nice, friendly people, people you'd like to get to know better someday. They smiled at me and my boy as we passed them both ways. I thought about how sometimes people are nicer to you when you're holding a little kid's hand. They like you better. And someday I'll just be an ordinary person going to the store by myself and those people sitting on the benches won't really notice me anymore.

On our way home I pointed out to Andrew the men with big machines who are working on making a new building. He barely noticed the workmen, but saw the swings in the park next to them and asked if we could go there.

I always say no. That's the park that only has swings and monkey bars and tennis courts. It's the boring park. We never stop there. But this time I did.

I pushed Andrew for a long time and I got in a swing, too, for a little while, even though it always stretches out my jeans and I knew they wouldn't feel right for the rest of the day.

"Push me!"

"Like that?"

"Push me high, higher and high!"

"Like that? Is that high enough?"

"Push me high so I touch the stars with my feet."

I came around in front of him and pushed his knees. "Hey," I said. "There aren't any stars in the daytime, you silly." He didn't pay any attention. There's nowhere Andrew would rather be than in a swing.

I looked up at the sky and saw only clouds. I pushed him again and then I felt silly when I realized that the stars are there all the time, you just can't see them in the daytime.

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