2012-08-15-1:41 p.m.In Between
I drop Andrew off at his job and the man he works for asks me if I am enjoying my time off. I have to tell him, no, not really, it's time to get on with it.
I want to start my nursing adventure, but there are other things to occupy me at the moment. Benj needs to get his Eagle project finished and it is taking a lot of time and preparation. He deserves to be an Eagle Scout. I want him to finish while I have some time to spend helping him. So we have spent days driving around looking at gates and fencing materials and gathering information and planning a schedule for doing the work. It is not very much fun. It is not my project. I want it to be his.
I drive Andrew to his job every morning and pick him up in the afternoons. It's not drudgery. I am grateful for this happening in his life right now. It is what we all need.
Every afternoon I answer fifty NCLEX questions, then study the material I didn't do well on. Last night I couldn't sleep, worrying about Benj's project, so I did NCLEX questions on my phone. I wonder how in the world you prepare for a test that will either turn you into a real nurse or not.
The day is bright and warm and a little drier than the weather has been. There is the smallest hint of change in the air and I yearn for it. To be finished with school is such a milestone and it takes my breath away in surprise several times a day when I realize it has actually happened. I can remember sitting on my bed telling Donald I was thinking of going back to school, how he didn't think it was silly, or that I was too old. I thought, if he is so supportive of me, I have to stick with it and do it. And I did it. To finish has so much more meaning when you are older and have so many other things to think about, and are used to things being a certain way.
So, I rest in that. I do the urgent, important things, and wait for the feeling to come that will tell me, this is where you start your new story, this is where you belong.